So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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