Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
