I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
