This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
