That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
