Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
