A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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