At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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