Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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