I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
