At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
