If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This is the high leading the old right now
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
this hospital has no fireball
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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