i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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