how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
