he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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