First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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