I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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