Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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