this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
