He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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