Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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