he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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