Got a toothbrush?
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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