I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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