Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
