it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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