Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
