Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
