2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
