Screwed.edu
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
PANTIES FOUND
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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