I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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