I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize