This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
