me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
