is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
