Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
