Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
