u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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