Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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