It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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