She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
