she kept yelling 'call me bella'
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
