i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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