I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
