He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
