I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
