Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
