Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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