I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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