I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
