He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
