i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
