She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
