I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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