i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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