Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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