Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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