I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
