Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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