Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
