so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
