Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
