I'm so fucking centered right now
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize