Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
