In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
