Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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