Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
