I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
