My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize