god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
