If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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