dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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