Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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