i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
