20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
