??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I want a musical about memes.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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