I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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