i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
