So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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