did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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