i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
40s are totally the cure
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
