ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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