I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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