1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
